Rolex, Calvin Klein & Armani Legal Affairs c/o The A List 100 Nouveau Riche Way Penthouse Floor, [REDACTED] New York, NY 10001 Phone: (212)-[REDACTED] Email: PlebeiansProhibited@[REDACTED].com
On behalf of Rolex, Calvin Klein and Armani, we hope this letter finds you well.
As we mark the 24th anniversary of your esteemed creation, we find ourselves continually entangled in the public’s perception of your narrative.
There is no doubt that Patrick Bateman is an impeccable specimen, a stab of brilliance from Easton Ellis. Though we are flattered, it seems important for us once more to iterate our positioning, in terms of our stylistic alignment.
While we find his pursuit of high style through capitalism honorable, we feel it prudent to once more distance ourselves from the idea of Mr. Bateman, due to the nature of his…rather dark inclinations.
Allow us to explain:
Rolex: Timing is Everything
“At Rolex, we value quality time above all else. While there are many aspects of Mr. Bateman we find unique, his use of spare time leaves us with no choice but to again declare that we have no association with the character.
While we acknowledge the portrayal in the book, albeit beyond our influence, the visual association undeniably conflicts with the character we expect from our esteemed clientele. Public perception of Rolex timepieces remain crucial to the legacy we uphold; Mr. Bateman is many things, however, an ambassador for discretion and refinery is not one of them.”
Calvin Klein: Simplicity in Refusal
“Calvin Klein, an All-American brand, represents the elegance of simplicity. While Batemans personal aesthetic, both in his home and his sense of fashion, aligns with our ethos, he carries a complexity of character we cannot ignore.
While our name was not outright mentioned, the implication of our association was unmistakable. We feel the need to iterate once again that our choice to not be involved was as simple as it is necessary. We hope that Mr. Bateman can find a way to live life in a way that is a little less…cutting edge.”
Armani: An Ill-Fit Character
“Armani has long crafted suits that reflect sophistication and subtlety, qualities we continue to find difficult to reconcile within Mr. Bateman. While his wardrobe is expertly crafted, and with great regard to Isis Mussenden, we couldn’t help but notice several references to his ‘Armani Suits’.
This must be reconciled immediately: Armani knows what it means to dress men of power, and we find it important to publicly clarify that no matter how perfectly tailored, if ones character does not align, the suit will never quite fit.”
In closing:
While Mr. Bateman certainly possesses a discerning eye for luxury, we must ensure that our reputations remain untarnished by the vivid imagination of a man with homicidal tendencies.
We trust this clears up any confusion.
Rest assured that we will remain devoted to the timeless elegance that, unlike certain characters, never loses its composure.
We thank Alexandra Diana, of The A List, for passing our message along. We hope this is the last we must explain ourselves, though we won’t wait with bated-breath.
This piece was brought to you by Rolex, Klein and Armani, who have never given me a single piece of merchandise in exchange.
