What to Buy for The People You Can’t Escape
The Art of The Panic Purchase
Nothing says ‘I care’ like a last-minute panic buy.
This magical season of festive cheer, twinkling lights and deep annoyance of having to pad your Nice List with people you wish you could forget. Never fear, my friend. This article is essentially a gift guide for everyone you wish wasn’t on your list— the gifts of social obligation. With some humor and minimal effort, we can get through this together.
A weirdly-relatable, slightly obscure list of people we’ve all had some social obligation to that forced us into this holly hostage jolly:
The Friend Who Always Cancels
We all have them. We love you, but you’re kind of the worst?? You’ve gotten them something once or twice before— but due to countless rescheduling, they remain in your hallway closet. Third time’s the charm, right? Give them something small that doesn’t take up too much precious square footage (if you live in New York, you understand one recycling box turning your hallway into a labyrinth). An online gift card: almost guaranteed to get lost in their gmail instead of in your cabinets and drawers. Win win.
💡 Insider Tip: Emailing someone a gift saves your future self the hassle of delivering it on time, especially considering they’ll probably need to reschedule anyway. :)
The One-Upper Parent
Think Jean-Georges cake at the kindergarden bake sale, or the excessive gift bags at their 4 year-olds party. For your child’s last birthday, they gave them a $200 science kit. They have trapped you in a never-ending, socially-binding contract— so tis the season to play along. Give them something elegant but vague: Something you know they will appreciate for aesthetics alone. It doesn’t matter if they’ll ever use it— This is about appearances, people! Perhaps a coffee table book, or monogrammed napkins. Something that appears much more lavish than the $40 you begrudgingly handed over.
💡 Insider Tip: Pair with a handwritten card that reads “Just a little something!” Because obviously, you give fabulous presents to everyone, this was no big deal. It was nothing more than an easy, breezy, beautiful burden. :)
The Boss Who Always Emails After Hours
Because maybe— just maybe— a thoughtful gift will make them think more highly of you, and who knows? It could be a golden ticket not being CC-ed on every single, possible email. This gift contains Bonus Points, which enhance your character and make you seem very dutiful. Give them something that screams “professional” with no added warmth or zeal. Something to celebrate the most important part of their personality: this job. Personalized notebooks are a great option, or perhaps a paperweight tied to something vaguely personal— a favorite color or sports team.
💡 Insider Tip: If they can handle a little humor, include a witty note like “for all of your late-night brainstorms!” To give your gift a playful touch.
The Person You Barely Know But Drew in Secret Santa
Because apparently it’s “mandatory” to participate, according to the Vice President of Forced Fun, otherwise known as the Party Planning Committee. Give them something universally appealing— a crowd-pleaser. Even if its not for them, they can trade it off when Secret Santa inevitability morphs into some chaotic White Elephant-hybrid. A nice coffee mug, sudoku, whiskey cubes.
💡 Insider Tip: Dress it up with a chic bag or extravagant bow to create the illusion that you could’ve never bought this 25 minutes ago, at the MUJI nextdoor. Don’t want to get written up for Christmas, now do you?
Your Random Neighbors
Considering they saw you crying in the hallway last week, and that one time when your groceries exploded down the hallway, pretty sure you have to get them something to alter their current opinion of you. Something domestic will do the trick. Make cookies and deliver them on a nice plate (paper is fine, but for the love of aesthetic, no gaudy holiday designs). Wrap them tight with cling-wrap, because if you have one more awkward encounter you’ll probably have to move.
💡 Insider Tip: Keep your notes short and sweet with a classic “Happy Holidays!” You can sign your first name, but please don’t add your apartment number. Do you want a stalker?
The Person Who “Doesn't Want Anything!!!”
No matter how many times they tell you not get them a thing, you would die from the moral high ground they’ll shove you from if you actually don't get them a gift. In order to avoid the passive aggression thats sure to follow (how can you politely say “I didn’t get you anything, because ‘nothing’ is what you asked for”?) Gift them something minimalistic and chic, such as a picture frame, or an elegant catch-all dish.
💡 Insider Tip: Put a photo of yourself in the frame, with a card saying that their friendship is the greatest gift of all. :)
The Roommate You’re Silently Beefing With
Gifting brings out good spirits, and I assume you’d like to make it to the end of your lease without having to see one more post-it apologizing for eating your leftovers, or asking if you can pick up paper towels, for the millionth time. Give this cheeky little individual something that can be used by both of you, a sort-of peace offering. Maybe a nice olive oil dispenser, or a set of cocktail napkins. If you’re on good enough terms, wrap-up something truly useful, like a 24-pack of toilet paper, or maybe a giant bow on some fabric softener.
💡 Insider Tip: If you end up hating them anyway, you can just take the gift with you when your lease is up.
And so, with touch of charm, a dash of effort and you’ll get through this season of forced merriment just fine. Just remember the golden rule of gifting: it’s the thought that counts…just not the one you’re actually having. ;)
Critically Yours,
Alexandra Diana
